Traitorous Mistletoe
by fantasticality
Summary: Who knew mistletoe could be evil and turn on you at any given moment? Smitchie. Merry Christmas, Shaynie!


**_Disclaimer: I do not own Camp Rock or anything related to it. And my OC is purely one of my imagination for humor at Shane's expense._**

**Yes, I'm here with yet another oneshot when I just really need sleep. But I just had to get this written. :) I wouldn't have time tomorrow.**

**Dedication: For my most dedicated and sweetest reviewer, sh-sh-sugarbaby, this is for you! (Of course, this isn't to say that I'm not thankful for all of my other reviewers, as well.)**

* * *

The Gray-Torres loft could only be described as one thing: A Christmas galore. Oh, how Mitchie loved Christmas. She loved it with all her heart. 'Tis the season to be jolly and giving, after all. However, her husband, Shane loved Christmas for an entirely different reason.

He believed Christmas was the season of cookies.

Yes, cookies.

The reasons why they love Christmas was reflected in their humble abode perfectly. Cookies could be found on every table of their house, their Christmas tree was above dozens of gifts for their friends and family, and every Christmas decoration ever invented could be found.

Including, the ever so popular, mistletoe.

Now, when Mitchie hung the sprigs of mistletoe above every doorway in the house, she was giggling happily at the possibilities of couples being caught under it. What a romantic situation, she had thought. While Shane was helping her, he had thought, _I wonder who'll be caught under—ooh! Bunny-shaped sugar cookies!_

The dolt.

However, neither of them had ever had a single thought occur that people other than the married couple would end up under the mistletoe.

Oh, how they were wrong…

* * *

"Now, a few years back, I had just broken up with this girl, right?" Shane told his enthusiastic audience. He was reciting a small tale of his college years, enjoying the reactions he got from his friends immensely. "And when she left, she said, 'you'll never find a girl like me again!' And I'm thinking, 'If I just broke up with you, then why would I want to find someone like you?'"

His audience roared with laughter, finding his joke completely hilarious. However, a certain blonde didn't find this all too funny.

"You know, Shane," Tess growled, crossing her arms irritably, "_I _said that to you when we broke up."

All of the previous joy and humor immediately vanished. Of course, a pissed off Tess Tyler did that to every situation.

"Oh, well, it was funny at the time, you know. And I really, really, regret thinking—don't kill me!" Shane let out a feminine shriek as he ran to hide behind Caitlyn. "Save me!" he hissed, trembling behind the small frame of the music producer.

Caitlyn merely rolled her stormy gray eyes and flicked his forehead before walking off to talk to Mitchie. The rest of the crowd dispersed, as well, not wanting to get in the way of Tess' wrath.

As everyone was walking away, Shane could be found, trembling with fear before a seething blonde. He tried pleading with her, begging her, and even threatening her. At one point, he tried to bribe her with his car. Shane was desperate to keep his life.

"Don't worry, I won't kill you. But trust me; it'll hurt after I'm done with you." The way Tess said it made hairs stand up on Shane's neck. He didn't doubt her words one bit.

Tess dragged him to a deserted hallway where no one would hear them. As she looked at her pumps, cobalt eyes twinkled maliciously. Oh, yes. She would have fun with this.

Needless to say, it would be a miracle if Mitchie ever gave birth to Shane's child or if Shane ever urinated properly again. And Tess' pumps didn't help when she was stomping on his foot, either.

* * *

Throughout the party, Mitchie wondered where her husband had acquired his sudden limp. After pondering the situation for a moment, she merely shrugged it off as a result of Shane's incessant talking. Mitchie was brought out of her thoughts when the doorbell rang.

"Coming!" she chimed in her musical voice as she rushed to the door. She struggled slightly to open the door with the plate of cookies in her hands. Once she got it open, the view of her old friend and neighbor came into sight. "Sonia! You made it!"

"Just because I'm in a wheelchair doesn't mean I'm incapable," Sonia sniffed. "I wouldn't have missed Christmas with you for the world."

The singer gave her relative a dazzling smile before calling her husband over.

Limping to Mitchie, Shane's previously jolly expression disappeared as soon as she laid eyes on the elderly woman at the doorway. "Sonia."

"Shane," Sonia muttered, glaring darkly up at Shane. "Mitchie, sweetheart, you're still married with this dolt?"

"Mitchie, sweetheart, this old bat hasn't conked out yet?" he imitated, glowering at the woman in the wheelchair.

Rolling her eyes, Mitchie snapped, "Alright, that's enough between you two. Just because Shane _accidentally _dropped your dentures in the used toilet before flushing doesn't mean you can hold a grudge against him." She glared at the snickering man beside her. "And Sonia, weren't you the one who rolled over his foot and broke his toe?"

Sonia opened her mouth, no doubt to make a witty response, before her friend interrupted her. "Now, this feud is going to end right now. Shane, wheel Sonia in," the brunette demanded. The way she said it eliminated any room for argument.

Grumbling, Shane complied with Mitchie's orders and wheeled the woman in. He suddenly stopped when his wife began giggling. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just that," Mitchie said in between snickers, "you're both underneath the mistletoe."

Sonia and Shane stared at each other for a few seconds, gazed blankly at Mitchie, and then reverted their appalled gaze back towards each other. They remained silent for a moment before exclaiming, "Fuck no!"

"Mitchie, please don't make me do this!" Shane pleaded, resisting the urge to shove the wheelchair down the hall towards the stairs. It was hard enough not the murder the crazy old bat already. Mistletoe was evil and could turn on people at any minute, Shane decided.

She merely shook her head. "Sorry, Shane, but rules are rules," Mitchie confirmed. "Now kiss."

"You know, most wives disapprove of their husbands kissing other women," Sonia supplied in an attempt to get out of the kiss. As much as she loved her neighbor, the man she married was a complete dolt.

"But Shane's kissing you."

"Oh, _burn,_" Shane muttered in between sniggers.

Sonia glared up at the incompetent man. "Shut up, Gray. We're not in "The 70's Show.""

"Really? Because I bet you looked the same now as you did then."

"Would you just kiss?!" Mitchie shrieked, interrupting their little spat. Honestly, she huffed, _they _were like a married couple. Of course, it would be something similar to pedophilia on her former neighbor's part when they were nearly ten years apart.

The two of them grumbled unceasingly as they gave each other an extremely swift peck. They immediately broke away, both spluttering a string of profanities out of disgust.

Shane frantically grabbed the plate of cookies in Mitchie's hands and grabbed a handful. Muttering, "My savior," Shane shoved the cookies in his mouth, moaning in delight.

Sonia settled for downing the nearest wine cooler.

Mitchie beamed at the two enemies. "Thank you, guys!" The singer hugged her friend and pecked her husband's cheek. She lingered at her husband just long enough to whisper, "I'll be sure to pay you back with something much more rewarding than a kiss. That elf suit finally came."

A perverse smile made its way up onto Shane's face as he stared after his wife. As much as he hated Sonia, he loved sex with Mitchie a lot more.

Who knew torture could be so rewarding?

* * *

**Heh, I hope you liked it, Shaynie! It wasn't really Smitchie fluff, but it had some. Sort of. A bit. Heh, okay, so it was just basically random humor at Shane's expense. *shrugs* He's easy to write. I hope it was okay. *crosses fingers hopefully***

**Reviews are greatly appreciated!**


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